Sunday, March 05, 2006

Fragility and Influences

Who would have thought that a message board could hold so much of my happiness that it's loss would throw me into such a tailspin? ... that can't be normal. (then again, normal is just a setting on your dryer)

So why did it shake me to my very foundations to have it gone? Well, for one it is more than just a message board. It's sort of the embodiment of my imagination and my dreamings. I guess it's sort of like Dream's* ruby, too much of his power was in it and when it was lost he was drained almost powerless.

Or maybe I'm just a little mentally unstable that this throws me off so much. Heh. I still owe my therapist a 'thank you' letter for all she did for me, but maybe I stopped the sessions too soon? LOL

Nah, I feel pretty balanced, all in all. I guess this was just an important thing in my life and to have it gone was like a physical absence in my life. Plus it just really irked me that I was the one who did it through my ignorance.

It's back now. I despaired, but it's back. I suppose I was never in danger of losing any of the writing. I did have the backup file, which is conveniently in text format instead of weird unintelligable code so I could have just picked out the posts. But it's like having all the same furniture in a different house, it simply would have felt weird to start over, even if all the posts were there.

Sometimes our hold on life and 'sanity' is quite fragile and probably thinner than any of us would like to admit. Sometimes a seemingly minor thing can have unimaginable influences on our lives.

Losing the board was like having my house burn down! Thankfully this 'house' could be restored back to the way it was with nothing missing and in just two weeks.


Speaking of houses.. I'm buying my house at last. Yep. Have my application in at the bank and hopefully nothing will go wrong and I'll have my approval by April!

Which brings me to an interesting rant. HOW on earth could ANYONE now adays hope to buy a house?!? It's insane!! House prices are outrageous, the downpayments impossible, the loan fees unimaginable... I'm tellin ya.. the only way this is happening for me is I'm buying the house from my parents and they're not only cutting me a break on the price, they're gifting the down payment and covering a lot of the fees.

I love my parents. They're the best, yah? So I'll be comfortably into my very own house by summer (they have to have the sale to me closed before they can start building their house) and I'll get to finally spread out of my room and into a house! It's very cramped having so much stuff in my tiny little bedroom.

But I'll be able to decorate the way I want to! With my eclectic blend of Egyptian, Indian and Chinese decor. I'll have a sewing room just for sewing! A guest room for friends! My own dishes in the kitchen and my own food and spices in the cupboards. *squeek* So exciting!

Ok so that's enough for tonight. I must get myself to bed for work in the morning.

Blessings and good night to everyone who reads this.

*Referring to the first book of 'The Sandman,' by Neil Gaiman.


Blogger The Sandmonkey said...

elengil, The best way to buy a house in the USA these days is buying houses at forclosure prices. The Housing bubble is making a whole lotta folk lose their homes, and they do get sold cheap in foreclosures. That's how I would hope to buy one if I EVER move to the states.

Ps: you read any of Alan Moore's stuff?

1:30 AM  
Blogger Ghalia said...

First time to ur blog, u did a great job here, lookimg forward to read more and more.

5:53 AM  
Anonymous Cemmie said...

Having your own house will be fun! You'll be surprised how quickly the rest of the house will fill up with clutter though! :P ((HUG))

7:49 AM  
Blogger elengil said...

lol Sandy.. well I wanted this specific house which was not being forclosed on (since it's my parents)...

I think buying a forclosed house would have made me feel a bit guilty anyway. No real logic to it, it would just *feel* like taking someone else's house. anyway...

Ghalia! Welcome and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Cemmie Yes, true.. but I refuse to have a cluttered house (call it rebelling against my mother ;) ) ... you can see when you come visit :D

8:21 AM  
Anonymous Cemmie said...

Well, perhaps you can teach me to de-clutter mine! It's AWFUL right now!! LOL

8:16 AM  

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