Friday, March 10, 2006

Too Long

I was thinking today about just what I want from a husband.

I've decided I don't truly give a damn about money or sex, what I want is love. If a man can't give me that, can't show love or give me true affection, then all his money is worth precisely squat. If the only time a man can show the slightest hint of affection for me is between the sheets, I don't want that either. It's not enough to feel loved once or twice a week. I want to feel it every day.

Too much the idealist? Maybe. But maybe there are some things worth waiting for, yah?

Which brings me to why this thought was going through my head. It's been going on six years now since I had anyone show any real interest in me at all, beyond a little light flirting.

I love hearing about each friend that gets married or has found someone in their lives to love them, and happy as I am for them it only serves to highlight the fact that I'm rather lonely actually.

My only real prospect lives 3000 miles away and is suffering from post tramatic stress syndrome from being in Iraq. :( So, not only is he probably not up for a relationship, that whole little 3000 mile thing certainly adds to the prevention of one.

When it comes to religion, despite being a Christian myself,... oddly I don't find myself really wanting to date or marry one. I've dated a muslim, I've dated athiests, I've dated agnostics... and to be honest, the worst boyfriends I've ever had were Christian. Go figure. (it also doesn't help that among my married friends, one of the worst husbands imo is also a self-professed Chrisitan, though to be honest I see little to back up his claims in his personality.)

But aside from all that... I just want what I think most people want: someone to love me for who I am, not for what they think I can become or what I can bring them. And I want to love someone for who they are. Though writing that now I'm reminded of a line in Gerry McGuire: "I love him for the man he wants to be, and I love him for the man he almost is!"

Well, I don't want that either. I want to love a man for the man he is today, and love him more every day.


"I won't sell my love
But it sure ain't free
The only one giving
Can't be me

So I'll give you my everything
Without shame
If only you'll do the same."


Anonymous Cemmie said...

I love you, but it's not the same! :P

I hear you, but I don't agree with everything. I'm odd though.

And confused.

((HUGS)) Nothing wrong with wanting someone to love you, just you and only you. :)

10:10 AM  
Anonymous Cemmie said...

Errrr, I didn't mean "only you" as in a completely exclusive friendship with no outside friends or family, but rather if you are marrying someone he'd better only love one woman *that* way!

I've only had 2 hours of sleep. Not making sense... sorry!

I've decided that I'd rather take friendship, true, deep, loving friendship over anything else anyway. (Not that I'm saying you would, I'm just thinking about my own circumstances. I've decided I'd rather just wait things out than ruin a friendship I cherish.)

10:19 AM  
Anonymous Cemmie said...

Oh. My. Word.

I meant not that you WOULDN'T want true, deep, loving friendship.

Shoot me now.


10:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's a very realistic and mature attitude,Elengil.I suppose your definition of love would have to match your partner's though.
Here is a rather simple yet profound description of God's love that needs to be practiced by all of us; ;an unselfish choice for the highest good.'

1:44 PM  
Blogger The Sandmonkey said...

so all you need is love? ;)

7:37 AM  
Blogger elengil said...

awwwww Cemmie!! (huggles) Don't worry hon, we've talked long enough that I know what you're saying ;)

Annonymous, wish I knew who you were but thank you for taking the time to comment. I always appreciate that.

Sandy.. heh. yep.

9:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry about that.I am Dan,though I sometimes forget to give my name.One of these days I'm going to start my own blog,but probably not before I peruse all of the 30 million blogs out there!

9:53 PM  
Anonymous Imp said...

Yes, for me also the external stuff is not important, but the emotional support and openness, the knowing that no matter how grumpy or silly or ignorant or tired or worn out you are, that's not what he sees; he sees you from the inside out, and it's okay, no matter what. No need to watch your words, no need to doctor your thoughts, no need to entertain or amuse or fascinate.

Love changes over time, though. I don't mean it becomes something else, or that other things become more or less important, but that it becomes less like madness and more like completion. It mellows while still becoming fuller, deeper, broader.

It becomes like breathing, I guess.

5:15 PM  
Blogger elengil said...

It becomes like breathing, I guess.

Must be why I feel like I'm suffocating sometimes. ;)

8:24 AM  

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